i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
