I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize