I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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