No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
