your room smells of hookers.
And success
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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