My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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