You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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