Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
