Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
