Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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