We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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