So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize