i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
