Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
