I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My balls are so social today.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mom said you looked used
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize