38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
