Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
