took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
