if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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