True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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