When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
