Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
