There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
