Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
