dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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