did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
