Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
