The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
