Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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