Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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