areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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