ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
