ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
