maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
