she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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