Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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