:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
