stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
