he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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