Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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