So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
