Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
