Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
