this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
