Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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