Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
