So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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