see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
