I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
where are my eyebrows?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
