Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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