Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
