i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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