17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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