I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
