My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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