What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want her autograph on my taint
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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