One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
