hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
