No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
