I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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