Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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