U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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