The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
