she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
