Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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