Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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