Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
