They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
