Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
