This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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