Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
