I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
