Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
