Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
